Aw man put that ol' dumb horn down
Hey Jazzy, Jazzy
Show this boy what some real music 'posed to sound like
(heh hah haa!)

one two three four whoooo!

Now that's a record
Now that's a record

Go Jazzy Go Jazzy Go!

I want to be remembered for the songs that sing
Not only for the humor but for the knowledge I bring
To broaden the horizons of others is why I rap this
Enlightening minds with my lyrical tactics

In life everything ain't always what it seems
But people are enchanted by the things that gleam
Ya know, bright fancy cars big yachts and mansions
All the beaches of Aruba with your girlie romancin'

Now I'm about to tell you a very interesting fable
More fun than when you first got cable
The moral to be learned from this story to be told
Is that everything that glitters ain't always gold

On July the 11th I was sittin' at home
Talkin' to my girlfriend Gina on the telephone
Flippin' through the newspaper checkin' the news
When I saw an advertisement for a Carribean cruise

It said Sunny Skies and Romantic Nights
On and Incredible Ship and I got hyped
They said it's like The Love Boat baskin' in the sun
Promisin' fun for you and for everyone

I said that's dope, baby ya down?
She said yeah we can leave right now!
The very next day I put the check in the mail
And one week later we were ready to sail

The brochure said that the boat it was large
But it was nothin' but a broken down part of a barge
And if it wasn't for my girlfriend I wouldn'ta went
Because the captain was a cross-eyed hunchback with a limp

The cruise was paid for and the food was free
So I said what the hell and set out to sea
It didn't take long to notice somethin' was wrong
The ship was a mess and we were the only ones on it

I didn't wanna panic so I chilled for a while
'Til the captain pulled up on what we thought was a deserted isle
We looked onto the beach and almost went berserk
We saw 300 natives with spears and grass skirts

They said hungadungdadiggidadungadoo
I said hey baby I guess that means get off the boat
The chief said they needed a human sacrifice
I said well just take my girl (hehe) psych!

I was jokin' but things got serious
The leader came out and he was furious
He got in my face and his breath was the worst
I said hey baby you got some mints in your purse?

His breath was stinkin' with gunky brown teeth
And two big crusty ashy hairy feet
The worst thing he had no toenails in his toes
And a big pterodactyl birdbone in his nose

I tried to reason with him; he wasn' with it
He said crungashenko that meant forget it
He said goondashonkang dabongdaboo
That meant tonight we're havin' Fresh Prince Stew

Then I saw it--no it's not
The big Indiana Jones people cookin' pot!
I wanted to fight 'em but there was no way to beat 'em
I thought to myself Where's Tarzan when you need him?

Just as they were contemplatin' cookin' us up
We had a major stroke of luck a Navy ship pulled up
The troops came off and they got us out of the pot
And I said to the chief Yo I get wit'cha, hops

The guy that rescued us said I hate to tell you
The captain of ya ship he had just escaped from Bellview
We've been following him and finally we caught him
We're sorry there's no way that you can possibly get a refund

A thousand dollars and a weekend down the drain
But a lesson well learned so let me explain
There's a very important message that needs to be told
Is that everything that glitters ain't always go